Last night Evan curled up in my lap like he used to do when he was younger and somehow he folded himself up to fit. I wrapped my arms around him and found myself wishing I could envelop him in my love and make everything better. Make his seizures stop.
As a parent, you want to be able to help your children with the small problems and fix the big ones, but in this area we are powerless.
We can tell in the days leading up to a seizure that one is brewing, but this can last several days. We wait and sleep restlessly in anticipation of being jolted awake by our seizing child.
The seizure always lasts too long and the minutes pass slowly in the tense air of our bedroom. After several minutes it finally stops and we are relieved, exhausted and left feeling beaten. Sometimes we sit speechless in a daze, sometimes we cry, eventually we turn off the light and go back to sleep. There is nothing else to do.
This morning Evan had a seizure and he slept in to recover from it before going to school. This time he remembered having a seizure, but often he does not. He was a little wobbly when he woke up but and also had double vision. Once that passed, his spirits were high, as they usually are after a seizure, and he cheerfully had breakfast and got ready for school. For us, the morning after a seizure offers frustration, concern and that ever-constant feeling of helplessness. We follow Evan's lead and get ready for the day.
Tonight Evan is sleeping soundly and tomorrow will probably be a good day.